13.19/2.3.07
I lied when I said I was doing this for myself. I was being dishonest with myself, thinking that I could make myself believe that what I was doing was right. I never wanted this. This is what everyone else wanted for me. They said that it wouldn't hurt, that it wouldn't be bad. Well it hurts, and it's bad. I want it all back.
I spent a good part of this morning writing a 13 paragraph long blog about last night and about the conversations I had last night. I don't want to write it all over again. But I will say that I'm unhappy with myself, I've been lying to myself. I've been deluding myself. I can't be happy with someone, until I can first be happy without someone. That sums up my evening last night.
Physical pain never hurt this bad. Why is it that this mental pain is so draining?
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