I don't give a shit.

I don't give two fucks anymore. To hell with this, to hell with you, to hell with this coexistence.

that's what I get for wanting to put some pictures up. I know how it feels now and I don't know why he puts up with the feelings I put him through.

Maybe we're better off apart.

Tuesday morning slumps

Woke up at 6. Went back to bed. Woke up at 8. Made a very hard decision with myself. Wrote out some bank slips and a check for my tuition. Slept with the dog, and continued writing this. :yawn: Tuesdays are nice.

Clay

why can't you be moldable like clay? why can't you be malleable like molten metal? :sigh: i just want a little change.

Mission Impossible

Grades are back. My GPA at both schools(PAFA and UPENN) is a 3.7

Hung out with the girls + the bf and we played rockband. Greatest game ever. though I don't know if it's worth 170 dollars... It was really fun though. Play the bass, play the guitar, the drums, sing, it's pretty awesome.

so tired, couldn't sleep last night.

Fixing a Hole Where the Rain Gets In

It seems that if I try and patch things up with him, it only pushes me away from Jack. I just want a normal healthy relationship with him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life never being friends again, that's just stupid. :sigh: Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

Today I feel Ugly

It's like you're a drug, It's like you're a demon I can't face down. It's like I'm stuck, It's like I'm running from you all the time. And I know I let you have all the power, It's like the only company I seek is misery all around.

I haven't felt like this in a long time. Questions, running through my head. What was wrong with me? What major defect did I have that made them all feel the need and desire to cheat on me? The fact that they did makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. The whole idea is like a razor that I keep with me to torture myself for days over. I feel so alone, undesirable and unattractive. I feel like a leper or a freak from a carnival.

I don't know why I let myself get hung up over this. But I do. I guess it's cos this last time, I thought I could trust this person. I thought things were genuine and meaningful. But again, something about me pushes them away and toward other, more desirable, women.

Today I feel ugly. I want regret.