Thursday, April 5, 2007

The Gleanings of an Empty Heart

20.21/04.05.07

Everywhere I go, there are reminders. The trees we used to climb; meetings in the graveyard, except, this one leaves and doesn't walk hand in hand with me and my dog home. This one leaves to his car and drives away, alone, sad, angry, I don't know. Just away, away to being alone.

The quack of ducks, barefooted walks through grass, rolling down those grassy hills, playing hide and seek, watching the venture brothers, listening to HIM and the Offspring, seeing his mom everyday behind the counter, bunnies, Doom, Family gatherings, cards, pictures, friends, pages, journals, drawings, stickers, buttons, sounds, smells, touch. Everything. Food, places, people, engines, vans, blues, blacks, laughs, shoes, pants, shirts, earrings, dreams, nightmares, tears, pain. Everything. Words, colours, games, WoW, children laughing, movies, soup, symbols, apples, CDs, songs, pants, pillows, patterns of light, shapes, drives, sleep. Everything.

He's everywhere, in everything. What do I want? Faxe once said: "The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next." It's true. You can't live your life by planning your months and weeks play by play, you can't even do it day by day. You have to live your life as it comes to you. Roll with the punches.

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