WHY?!

Was I not good enough for you in bed? Was I not entertaining? Were my breasts not big like Crystal's? Was I not psychotic enough like Kat? Did I not abuse you enough like the three of them? Was I not as manipulative as any of them? Was I not blue collar red neck white trashy enough for you? Was I not a big enough whore for you? Was I not stupid enough for you? Was I too innocent? Was I too insecure? Did I not cling to you tightly enough? Did I not offer myself and flaunt myself to you like your whores? I don't know, but right now I'm bitter and ugly.

But I think I knew all the while. All of your moodiness. You clinging too tightly. I knew in the end I think. That's why we never cut our ties. In the end, it never really mattered. I think I got the last laugh.

Scattered, explosions like fireworks;
Emotionless, embers burning to ashes.

Punctuations, missused and missplaced;
Used, emphasizing emotional mistakes.

This is living the duldrums.

Bleed for Me.

Burn like the sun, with pure intentions.
Blow like the wind, just a whisper.
Unseen, Unheard and Unknown.
Unearned, Unloved and Unlived.
Break through me, as if made of glass.
Undo me, See through me.

Every tear I shed was in vain. It was all for nothing. Our whole relationship was a joke, a lie. How could we even call that a relationship? :sigh: Nobody plays the fool better than myself.

And he let me beat myself up over something stupid like kissing. If he could only see my tear stained face.

Black Hole Sun

:sigh: I hate parties. It's been decided. No more. They're pointless.

Horrible day at work. Covered in throw up. Oh boy. Blaaah. Goddamn.

Allergencias

Allergies suck, a lot. Nose is runny, gotta go to work. It's hot as balls. ZOMG, I'm going to die.

For some damned reason I keep looking at that christmas card. I'm the one that's being pathetic. It's been 6 months already. Jesus Christ, I'm the pathetic one. I've been crying my eyes out and vomitting for the past 3 hours or so now and I still feel miserable. Vomitting 'cos of food poisoning, and crying because I'm weak and can't get over this. I have everything, yet I have nothing. What's wrong with me.