Jewel

Dreams scare me. This one was so vivid, when I woke up I was actually convinced that we did have a full out conversation and that today was in fact wednesday, not tuesday. I'm a little freaked at how convincing it was.

School is looming overhead of me and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Jaque finally met my family, a little too many for a first time though. He met 75 people yesterday, family overload if you ask me. But it had to happen sooner or later.

Fun in the mountains catching toads and petting horses and watching little cousins. Oh family fun.

Freedom

See my bonds break. Freedom.

"...From a certain point on, there is no turning back. That is the point that must be reached..."

-Kafka

WHY?!

Was I not good enough for you in bed? Was I not entertaining? Were my breasts not big like Crystal's? Was I not psychotic enough like Kat? Did I not abuse you enough like the three of them? Was I not as manipulative as any of them? Was I not blue collar red neck white trashy enough for you? Was I not a big enough whore for you? Was I not stupid enough for you? Was I too innocent? Was I too insecure? Did I not cling to you tightly enough? Did I not offer myself and flaunt myself to you like your whores? I don't know, but right now I'm bitter and ugly.

But I think I knew all the while. All of your moodiness. You clinging too tightly. I knew in the end I think. That's why we never cut our ties. In the end, it never really mattered. I think I got the last laugh.

Scattered, explosions like fireworks;
Emotionless, embers burning to ashes.

Punctuations, missused and missplaced;
Used, emphasizing emotional mistakes.

This is living the duldrums.