I don't give a shit.

I don't give two fucks anymore. To hell with this, to hell with you, to hell with this coexistence.

that's what I get for wanting to put some pictures up. I know how it feels now and I don't know why he puts up with the feelings I put him through.

Maybe we're better off apart.

Tuesday morning slumps

Woke up at 6. Went back to bed. Woke up at 8. Made a very hard decision with myself. Wrote out some bank slips and a check for my tuition. Slept with the dog, and continued writing this. :yawn: Tuesdays are nice.

Clay

why can't you be moldable like clay? why can't you be malleable like molten metal? :sigh: i just want a little change.

Mission Impossible

Grades are back. My GPA at both schools(PAFA and UPENN) is a 3.7

Hung out with the girls + the bf and we played rockband. Greatest game ever. though I don't know if it's worth 170 dollars... It was really fun though. Play the bass, play the guitar, the drums, sing, it's pretty awesome.

so tired, couldn't sleep last night.

Fixing a Hole Where the Rain Gets In

It seems that if I try and patch things up with him, it only pushes me away from Jack. I just want a normal healthy relationship with him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life never being friends again, that's just stupid. :sigh: Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

Today I feel Ugly

It's like you're a drug, It's like you're a demon I can't face down. It's like I'm stuck, It's like I'm running from you all the time. And I know I let you have all the power, It's like the only company I seek is misery all around.

I haven't felt like this in a long time. Questions, running through my head. What was wrong with me? What major defect did I have that made them all feel the need and desire to cheat on me? The fact that they did makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. The whole idea is like a razor that I keep with me to torture myself for days over. I feel so alone, undesirable and unattractive. I feel like a leper or a freak from a carnival.

I don't know why I let myself get hung up over this. But I do. I guess it's cos this last time, I thought I could trust this person. I thought things were genuine and meaningful. But again, something about me pushes them away and toward other, more desirable, women.

Today I feel ugly. I want regret.

Apple

; _ ; I just lost all of my music. ALL OF IT. And all of my music was removed off the family computer. OMG. I'm gonna CRY!

Waking up is Hard to Do

I can't get this song out of my head. It's so catchy. Say Anything has quickly become one of those bands that I put on repeat. My music listenings have consisted of Cake, Muse, AfI, Placebo, System, Serj, and Say Anything. Those are like the only things that I'll listen to straight for 4 hours while I'm playing WoW. So much to do today. Oh my.

Christmas is like, almost here and I haven't finished anything. Oh dear god. I'm so screwed. God only knows what my grades will be like. Oh poo.

My eye is so gross right now, all gushy and gross. and I'm not hungry. I don't wanna eat anything. I haven't eaten since breakfast yesterday. It's weird.

Feed Us

Wired were the eyes of a horse on a jet piolot one that smiled when they flew over the bay.

e___e can't sleep. Can't study. So congested!

Angry Boy, A bit too Insane

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.

My ears hurt. I think they're infected. Poop.

:sigh: What did I do wrong? I'm getting really tired of feeling bad for him getting sad, especially when I don't know what I did wrong. And he doesn't tell me what's wrong. I don't want to deal with it right now, I just don't.

Battlegrounds

60 HK's today. :P YAY. I'm so excited. 'cept I need to be a higher lvl so I can be l33t and rule the world. :X

Weird week this week. And last week. Crazybonesman.

I'm kind of confused, kind of happy, and kind of hurt all in one. Why did he call. Maybe we can have a normal relationship as friends now. But overall, I still feel kind of hurt, and he should too after all we did to each other.

:/ It was wrong for either of us to do. Maybe we can move past that and just be friends. The just being part is the hard one.

Addict.

"This man that I met was perfect for me and I was lucky enough to see him standing there, right in front of me. And he was meant for me."

Every other Thursday, I haven't thought of them in a while.

Wierd dream. So real, I could feel it. ; _ ; What does it mean?

I sense a Disturbance in the Force.

And it kept me up all night. Just couldn't sleep.

Sentimental..

All of the cheesy songs come on when I'm going through something hard or emotionally painful.

But if you fall back into my life
I promise you I would never let another day just pass us by
I could never leave this war unsung
I want to be your only one

But if you fall back into my life
I'd spend every night waking up to the beat I hear inside
Telling me to be your only one

But if you fall back into my life
I promise you I would never let another day just pass us by
I could never leave this world undone
I could never leave this war unsung
I want to be your only one

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like an object. I almost never feel like a person. I feel like an object that is grabbed at, poked at, pulled at, squeezed at, or just looked at. I've come to the point where men only see objects. They don't see people. They don't see the need to just be held and talked to and cooed at. They don't see the insecurities, they don't see the stress, the dismay, the damsel in distress that secretly wants to be held and told everything will be okay, we can get through it together.

Yes, sometimes I feel like an object. But it's just for a few days.